Been over 24 hrs since it was determined surgery was needed on the knee. Not got any better in my mind. Several thoughts have been rattling around since.
1) My knee doesn't feel right, but I really feel as though I could get out and run right now. I won't. But I want to. I might. But probably shouldn't. If I run carefully, it can't get much worse.
2) Along that line - knowing surgery is coming, option of running between now & then is tempting, surgery will fix what's broke, so if I feel okay - why not run?
3) I am smart enough (barely) to know when to back off, I will never win anything, nothing between now & surgery is a goal race - but I have paid for some races, so want to at least finish them, even if it takes me longer than it should if healthier.
4) For example, family trip to TN in 1 1/2 weeks to meet my Sister's new baby, 10K the day after I get there, on flat land. My kid and I already signed up a few weeks ago. If I wake up that morning feeling okay, I might just try it.
5) Summer Roundup 12K is a couple of days before surgery. Not an easy, nor flat course. Again, it is paid for, kid is doing it. It is part of the Triple Crown series (GOG and the Ascent are the other 2). Even if I finish last, still eligible for the Triple Crown.
6) Speaking of the Ascent - it's 5 1/2 weeks after surgery. "Typical" recovery time is 4 to 6 weeks. Again, it is not an easy course, nor flat. Cut off time to complete is 6 1/2 hrs. Maybe possible? Unlikely - but I'll never know unless I try.
7) The other line of thought has been when did the thing tear? Doc doesn't know, I don't know. It may have been torn months or even years ago - and somewhat recently tore some more. Training for the marathon 6 weeks ago I trained hard (for me), but knees ached at times before training, during and after - not really any noticeable or predictable time when one run hurt more than another.
8) GOG 10 miler - 2 weeks ago - my knee barely hurt at all, I ran quite hard. Didn't hurt for the days that followed. But then I woke up Friday last week, after not having run in 5 days and it was swollen like a watermelon.
9) Apparently the meniscus, when torn - can inflame anytime, but sometimes there is no inflammation or pain anytime at all. Of course running, especially pounding downhill, is not going to help it at all. The option to just rest it for an indefinite amount of time is not going to heal it, surgery is necessary
10) Getting old sucks, missing out on doing things with my kids is really not fun at all - especially running with my son. He and I are really bummed about not being able to do the BTMR together. Sure there is next year. But we wanted to do it together this year. He will still do it, will (hopefully) probably do okay, but to miss out on the effort of seeing him try, w/ a potentially good result - that is not a feeling I am looking forward to.