The pressure of going under

"Under".  Quite the prefix.  Under-water.  Under-neath.  Under-pressure.  Under-achieve.  Under-estimate.   These carry with them mostly negative meanings or thoughts with them.  Yet with running, especially racing, we (I) often have goals and desires to go "under" in a good way.  Under 25 minutes for a 5K.  Under 4 hours for a marathon. 

However, also with running - maybe this is just where my head is at now - we (I) often times feel under trained, under prepared, to tackle a race or a particular run.  For me this often times leads to thoughts of doubt, hesitation and a desire to not even attempt a run or race before I even start.

I kind of feel this way as I am heading into the upcoming 50k in less than 5 weeks.  I wish I could have a few more weeks to train, to log more miles, to run some longer distances - I was in pretty close to my best shape ever when I ran the North Fork 50K back in late June - but due to time off with a knee injury and gaining a few too many pounds at the same time - I am not close to where I was 8 or so weeks ago.

And then there is tomorrow.  The American Discovery Trail Marathon.  I'm pacing for it like I did last year.  I ran a very consistent race last year for the 4 hour group.  Maintaining the same pace throughout and finishing in 3:59 exactly.  This past week I got talked into the 3:30 pacer role.  8 minutes per mile I can do - but I have only ever gone faster than that once for a 26.2 miler.  I have run this same course twice before - last years measured effort and 3 years ago when I tried to go at 8 minute pace or better and hit the wall over the past 6 miles, finishing in about 3:38 something.

No pressure this year or anything with people trying to qualify for Boston, me not having run an 8 minute mile in recent memory, me feeling like I am doomed to fail - and let people down.  "Under" the gun.  "Under" pressure.   "Under" prepared.  "Under" trained. 

I should be sleeping.  It is likely I won't sleep well tonight.  Have to get up just after 4 am to get to the shuttle.  I have no idea how I will do in the morning.  I would like to think I might be able to pull it off.  I also think that I don't have a chance.

Race report to come - sometime.